When your grandchildren live far away, it can feel challenging to build a close relationship with them. It is possible though and well worth the effort! Building a close long-distance relationship with grandchildren begins with believing it is doable and then consistently doing the things that will create an amazing bond. Here’s how long-distance grandparents can stay close.
All relationships are built with the same things: frequent communication, spending time together, sharing traditions, and celebrating special events. Long-distance relationships are no different. You just have to begin thinking about it with the goal in mind: Stay close to your grandchildren.
While there can certainly be a lot of pleasure in livingnear your grandchildren, it’s not a guarantee that you will be close. And livingfar apart, does not mean you cannot be close. No matter the distance, there aremany things you can do to have an amazing relationship with your grandchildren!
Most of these ideas also work with your nearby grandkids. This list is not by any means all-inclusive at all! I’m sure most of you in this situation have ideas that you are already doing, and I’d love to hear about them too in the comments below.
Be Consistent
The most important thing you can do when building a relationshipwith children is be consistent. Long distance this will mean regular Facetimechats, phone calls, and some visits. Plan these with the parents. Most parentswant their children to be close to their grandparents and will help you findtimes to connect.
There will be times when you call, or Facetime and yourgrandchild will not be in the mood to talk. Have a visit with your son ordaughter and don’t worry about it too much. The consistency is the importantthing. Even if you think they don’t care that much, they are still taking inthat you are there. You are a presence in their life!
Children thrive on knowing something is going to happen on aregular basis. Your consistency will help build a close bond because lookingforward to your calls will be part of them feeling close to you. If you justpop in, of course that’s nice too, but setting up a regular time every weekdoubles the impact.
Be a Friend to YourGrandchild
I was surprised recently to hear that my oldest grandchildconsidered me to be a ‘best friend.” I knew that she loved me, and I love herbut hearing her think of me as a friend made me realize that my time with herwas important, not just for the fun, but for the fact, she felt she had someoneshe could count on.
Grandparents definitely have a different role than parents.My first advice in being an awesome grandparent is to always respect theparents and their rules. So, being a friend to a grandchild doesn’t mean beingsomeone who does things with them that their parents wouldn’t approve of.
It does mean being a good listener, cheering them on, doingfun things with them, and being a person they can count on. While you may nothave as much time with your grandchildren when you are long distance, you canuse the time to be friend as well as a grandparent.
And when you are away, you can call or write to stay intouch.
When you are with them, you meet them at their level.
My older granddaughter has parents that like to take her tofun, active places. But she and I both like to do quiet things too, like bothof us getting books and reading. She enjoys an evening at a musical or going toa nice place to eat. I know that she also, while being with me, likes to haveher alone time, where she can play a game on my phone or read her book inpeace. I respect that about her and since I’m much like that, it’s easy for meto accommodate that.
She seems to really appreciate that I, 100% let her be her when she’s with me.
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My middle granddaughter wants to talk and play the wholetime! It’s very important for her to be able to tell me everything that isgoing on in her life and show me her things. She also wants me to join her inplay, whether it’s a game or playing with little dolls. I make sure that I alwaysset aside time to do both of these things with her.
If I suggested to her that we read books? She’d say, “Boring!”For her, a trip to the grocery store, a craft store, or the park is always metwith excitement.
Being a friend, means spending time doing things together,doing things they like. Since I’m a grown up and for the most part get to dowhat I like, I can put aside my preferences to join them in theirs when I’mwith them.
Even when it’s part of a visit, be sure and make time tojoin them in their kind of fun. I love my own daughter and of course, want tocatch up with her but I always let the girls know that I have time for themtoo.
Put the Relationshipin Your Budget
Having a relationship with your long-distance grandkids means one way or another, finding a way to spend time with them. If you have to travel, that means setting aside the money to make the trip and perhaps even getting a hotel room or Airbnb, if the family house doesn’t have room for you to stay.
And staying in a hotel isn’t always bad! You have a place togo back to and relax and the grandkids can visit you there too. Most childrenenjoy things a hotel can provide such as the pool or just exploring thegrounds.
You can plan trips around the grandchildren’s events.Baptisms, birthdays, soccer games, school plays, you name it. Try to sometimes goat a time when you can experience a special occasion in the child’s life.
You could also offer to stay with the kids for a couple ofdays and let mom and dad go away for a special trip of their own.
It’s good to work with the parents on these things. Find outwhat works for them, whether it’s you staying in the house or somewhere nearby.Plan ahead and save the money to travel to see your grandchildren. Once it’s onthe calendar, you have the bonus of anticipation—yours and your grandchildren’s.
Planning ahead allows you to look for the best deals ontravel and such. Plus, with plans in place you can talk to the kids about yourupcoming visit during your regular phone calls/Facetime visits.
Remember SpecialOccasions
Who doesn’t like to get their own letters, cards, andpackages? Children love these things. Birthdays and holidays are the obviousoccasions. Handwritten cards will mean so much! Take it a step further and rememberother things like the first day of school, the first game of the season, theloss of a pet, getting an award, or just because you were thinking of them.
A care package is also a special treat. It doesn’t have tobe expensive either. Fill a small box with some things picked out just for thatchild: a book, a game, a treat or two, a notebook and markers, or anything elseyou think they would like. You will have just as much fun picking things out,as they will have opening it. And in putting it together you will automaticallyfeel closer to your grandchild as they will to you when they receive it.
Make a Family PictureBook
Take lots of pictures when you are together! There areonline places that you can gather these memories of times together and make abook complete with captions. I’ve used Shutterfly to do this. Children loveremembering good times with people they love!
You can do a book themed around a trip, such as if you allgo somewhere together. Or it could be a general book of lots of things you’vedone. Or you could do one for each child and things you did with them.
Be sure and order two copies! One for you and one for yourgrandchild. You’ll love reliving the memories too.
I recently met up with my daughters and granddaughters inDisneyland and we took a ton of pictures. I set up a sharing album on my phoneso everyone could add their pictures to it and we could all see each other’spictures.
With so many pictures to choose from, I’m looking forward tomaking a memory book for each of us. (If you use Shutterfly, be sure to sign upfor their emails, they have good deals quite often and it really helps on theprice of the book.)
Share FamilyTraditions
My children were still in school when we moved away from ourhometown and both sets of their grandparents. It was so hard!
We made the effort for several years to travel back to WestVirginia to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with their grandparents. Wedecided as a family that this tradition was too special to give up even if itmeant traveling thousands of miles!
And fortunately, our families had room for us to stay,though as the children got older, we spread out among different houses.
While your own children may not be able to travel back homefor holidays, you can create other traditions for when they visit that mimicgetting together for a holiday.
Give them all something to look forward to when they visit!Plan at least one “get-everyone-together kind of event, whether it’s a dinneror outdoor cookout. Bonus points for giving it a special name so everyonebegins to count on it happening and have a name to call it.
My parents did up Labor Day and we all treasure the memoriesfrom those events. My dad would decorate the yard with strings of pennants orflags. Family would travel from other states for this. They would have outsidegames for the kids, and of course lots of food. It was an annual event and oneeveryone looked forward to.
The kids other grandparents did a football watching party onNew Year’s Day that involved of course, football on the TV all day as well asfriends stopping by, and lots of delicious snacking food. My mother-in-lawoften served the same things year after year and we all looked forward to our favorites.
Organize a family vacation once a year. Airbnb makes gettinga big family house affordable and fun. When you split the cost, you get thebenefit of a lots of room at something that is cost-effective for everyone.Plus, you get a kitchen, so you save by preparing some or most meals at home.We met up with our in-laws once a year at the beach and it is the source ofgreat memories for my children and their cousins.
The idea is to do something special, somewhere, with as muchfamily as possible! Depending on your budget, you might foot the bill for the accommodationsand let everyone else pay their travel and food.
These kinds of traditions help the grandchildren feel likepart of a greater whole—their family!
How Long-DistanceGrandparents Can Stay Close
Staying close while being long-distance takes effort and acertain mindset. But it is doable, and it is possible to not only be close butto build memories that will last a lifetime!
Like any relationship, it takes time and consistency to create and maintain a close bond. It’s so worth it though to stay close to your grandchildren, no matter where they live!
Love, Sara
